Sunday, March 28, 2010


The last tackle….the last run…the last war. That was what I felt when I played my last game.

Football is a war. Your side against their side…good versus evil…town versus town…take no prisoners…give no quarter…never leave a mate behind blah blah blah….but it’s true. Every game I played was like preparing to jump out of a plane or go into battle…we were revved up by inspirational speeches reminiscent of Mel Gibson and his defending Scots or King Henry and his band of brothers on St Crispan’s Day…all the while a bunch of middle aged men would prowl around us exhorting our virtues; and theirs from days gone by. They lived their remaining days through our actions. We achieved our day in the sun through the sacrifices of their past deeds. A battle lust would fill us; a crescendo of noise would issue forth as we escaped the confines of the change rooms and launch our way onto the field. Arms flexed, Chests heaved, and lungs pumped as we came down from our high and every so slowly controlled our emotions and our minds and set them for the game at hand. Slow the breathing, survey the opposition, take in your opponent, assess their immediate strength and possible weakness…watch the official as the whistle slowly makes its way to his lips, his piercing scream signals game on and like a thundering mass, bodies clash and collide, the crowd noise engulfs the field, friends fall beside you as they protect and aid you…the ball slaps into your hands and you and your opponent come face to face as you smash into each other and rattle your teeth…aaah football. Blood, honour, sacrifice,

It was the best thing, other than sex, to explode your mind with endorphins and drive your heart rate through the roof. Anger was vented, frustrations unleashed, passion thrown asunder and it built to the ultimate climax…a whistle blown at full time and the tremendous coming down as your body slowly let go and unwound from the battle…then the pains and aches started but the volatility of youth had been expended and you drank a beer and reminisced about the game, in great detail, as you bonded with those that had fought beside you.

Sunday, March 07, 2010


Alone and Loneliness…these are two very similar words yet in my mind they are miles apart. ALONE is a conscious choice whereas LONELINESS is symptom bought on by being alone…I choose to be Alone and sometimes I feel loneliness

by yourself,
on your own,
and no-one else.


Longing, desire, yearning, hunger, craving, pining lust….these are some of the symptoms of being lonely…but they are often fleeting. It is when they set in for a while that your mood changes.

I like living by myself, with my own rules and idiosyncrasies. I like my things where I put them. I like my bed just where it is, I like my TV programmes, I like the food that I like they way I like it….I like to leave the dishes sometimes, I like to watch TV with the lights off, I like to read in bed for hours on end, I like to get in the car and just drive with no destination given or known, I like not being responsible for anyone else, I like being selfish because when you are alone it is selfless.

I want to share my life but not in my house or my bed or by their rules or their life….I have had that and don’t want it anymore…I know I am missing out on so much and probably hurting myself at the same time but it is very comfortable and very easy when you are on your own with no timetable. I want to design my house to my specifications and it will never suit anyone other than a single man or a husband that does not want to include his wife..

Massive kitchen with stainless steel BBQ as the centrepiece, enormous glass door fridges that lead out through folding doors to the equally spacious deck, TV/Entertainment room with Recaro seats mounted to the floor rather than floral patterned soft furnishings. A shower that could fit a female volley ball team with a shower rose that feels like a waterfall, the other 3 rooms in the house would be a study come gaming room complete with library, a ‘boys’ room for keeping all of the stuff that you don’t want to put in your bedroom or store in the quadruple garage and finally the bedroom…walk in robe, gigantic bed and that is about it. All floors will be polished timber with a couple of throw rugs….cheap simple and practical….PS: Ironically my mate’s WIFE has already drawn it up.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Contact front...

The solemn tropical clouds had descended to canopy level all the while threatening to spill their overripe bellies in yet another torrent of lukewarm, flooding, rain. I could feel the heaviness in the air, it deadened all sound but sound is what I was waiting for.

I needed to hear the enemy before I saw them. I needed the edge. We needed the edge. There were eight of us spread around the ambush site, a track that led down to the river. We had lain there for many hours having scraped shallow pits from the debris and undergrowth of the rainforest. We had picked our killing ground carefully. We had studied our arcs of fire, our actions on contact and our RVs for post attack….but the waiting was pure torture. Small insects crept over our dank uniforms and bit into tender parts of our bodies. We could not move to swat them, as rapid movements may have give our position away or startle the many birds that had returned to our position since we had gone to ground…another give away that something was amiss. We could not afford to give our enemy any forewarning…so we waited in almost reptilian stillness. We craned our heads, turned our ears toward the natural approach route and held our breath. Was that a noise? Is that them? Steady…breath in…hold it…listen…exhale…and wait.

My mind was beginning to fatigue. My body had grown accustomed to its torture and although it ached in every joint and suffered through the constant insect invasion, it remained steady. My mind however had threatened to wander off for the past twenty minutes. The constraint strain of listening and scanning the ground within my arc was taking its toll. How long can they be? Is this the right place? Could they be outflanking us? Had we given ourselves away? Negative thoughts flooded in while I tried to push them aside and concentrate on the now. Scan and listen…take in the surroundings and identify that which is different.

Would they travel this path? Would they come today? Would the rain arrive before them?

We laid beside that jungle track, in Northern Malaysia for twelve hours…twelve rain soaked, insect bitten, brain straining hours. They did not come….but we had waited as if they would…the exercise was over….we retreated through ‘hostile’ lines and made our RV on time. The military did not always explain its training philosophy. They trained us to experience through actions rather than rely on classroom theory alone….they threw us in the deep end…but luckily our feet could just touch the bottom. We trained for realism…as do the boys and girls serving us in Iraq and Afghanistan today.

Sunday, November 01, 2009


There they stood...side by memory of all things 'teen..

The first girl I kissed and the last girl I kissed, before I joined the Navy...before I became a man.

I saw them before they saw me and I drank them in...One in Red the other in Black.

The years melted away as I saw their faces. The years I lost flooded back and so did the feelings.

It felt unnatural Why should I have these feelings after all theses years? ...but they were my first loves and they sat side by side and it scared me.

I wish I had more time to talk to them. I wish I could find out about their lives, their dreams, their children, their achievements...I wish I had never left and lost my teenage years to the military. Thinking back...15 was too young to join the Military, 15 was too young to give up my teen years....15 was too young to give up teen loves...15 was just too young!!

There they stood...side by side...and after one week...I still see them in my mind and in my dreams.

They are both beautiful women....They always were and they most definitely still are.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Hi All...

I decided to change my blog...yet patient as I work out all of the bugs. The Archive is still there but the dates don't show up until you scroll thru the drop down menu with the mouse. I'll work it out. I also have to reinstall my blogroll....I am not looking forward to finding all of those addresses again so if you still drop by please send me your blog address..

I have a few posts in the offing and I WILL be back...Scorpy :)

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Sorry I haven't been around a lot of late but I have been really busy settling into my new job and town. I will get back to you all...but...I thought in light of the recent events in Australia, I would resubmit a post I wrote a few years back...enjoy :)

It started mid afternoon as the day has been unseasonably hot, even for the sub tropics. There has been little breeze and the heat has crept slowly higher as the day grew longer.

I sit here now and watch the result of the heat, seven years of drought, an over zealous environmental lobby, unrestrained undergrowth, and a tinder dry National Park.

In better days, it is a tropical paradise in the foot of a valley, nestled below a mountain range and protected by the native bushland….but today it is a different place. A beast has been unleashed from the mountains and valleys beyond, if left unchecked it will devastate paradise. We knew it would come and now that I sit in the shadows of the day it’s ferocious light marches down the slopes. It dances along the ridge tops and jumps from tree to tree, an unbroken line cascading ever downward toward the valley and our homes. It sends it’s herald before it, pervading our homes, our clothes our lives. It’s acrid stench ignite ancient receptors in my brain which instantly recognise it for what it is. The response of fight or flee is very strong. Should I preserve myself by running to safety or stay and fight putting my life at risk? The herald will be joined soon by the vanguard – the foot soldiers, floating in the breeze, will set off smaller skirmishes, drawing resources away from the main battle yet to come. The ferocious force is now standing as tall as the trees and mesmerises all that watch. Who will fight the beast? Will anyone be able to repel the onslaught?

At the head of the valley, stand a small group of volunteer and full time warriors. They are clad only in leather, plastic and cloth and hold weapons of cloth and metal, which drip, in their tight hands. They carry backpacks and rakes, shovels and flails. Their heads are helmeted and their eyes shine bright above cloth protected faces. They will stand and wait and shout encouragement to each other. Reinforcements will arrive and the weary depart as the night draws on. They will sleep when they can and join the fray with little rest….but they will defend until there is no hope left and they will fight on, against the odds. I’ll join them soon for I am one of them. We will stand in the dark and fight the light. We will protect those who cannot protect themselves. We ask no favour - only support. It has come. The war is now and it is called…




Tuesday, November 25, 2008


(Just Click to make it bigger) Yes, I'm back. I have been without Television or the Internet for nearly a month as I've moved into my new house. I've travelled about an hour and a half from the coast and deeper into the harsher interior of Central Queensland. This is deep cattle country but also holds the richest coal reserves on the planet, so mines abound as do the associated businesses surrounding this industry. The money is ridiculously overwhelming and the job challenging but I absolutely love the change and the surrounds. No traffic lights, No traffic, Native animals and birds abound, The sky goes on forever and everything seems to take on the outback, laconic life style of the bush. The LLs come out this weekend and they can't wait to see my new place and their new bedrooms. I should have done this years ago but I did not want to be away from the LLs during their more formative years and I would have missed out on a lot of their school events and sports. I think it was important to me and more importantly them that i witnessed and took part during important events of their childhood. I'll miss being able to slip down to their school on a Friday afternoon to watch them play sport but they are better placed now to understand the need for me to move. It took a lot of discussion and promises that I was not moving away from them and that we would still see and talk to each other regularly...but...they seem happy with it, at least for the time being. It is still early days. I decided to put up a few pics of where I now live. I'll be back.